i'm not sorry

i'm frustrated.

i confronted a friend about the state of our friendship, found out he is disappointed with how i've treated him but when i call him on his lack of interest or attempt to maintain our friendship he shuts up. it's been 2 weeks since i presented my side... no response. you can't tell me i'm a bad friend when you did NOTHING for 9 months and i mean nothing. atleast i sent texts (which went unanswered), made comments on facebook posts, and brought up the entire state of our friendship so that we may fix it. don't tell me that you want our friendship back and i just need to be honest about where i stand to fix this and when i do EXACTLY what you ask you shut up. i have sat back and eaten every single apology that you've asked for in the last 10 plus years. i've taken your words to heart; i've believed that i was the over emotional one that screwed up - i took that to my very soul and apologized. i was left behind and neglected for years and i stood by all of your sides.

don't tell me that i always hung you from the gallows when up until the last year and a half i adored you and would do anything for you. for the first time you aren't number one in my life and you can't bear that... you can't even pretend that you are ok with that. what did you think would happen?? did you think i would just keep waiting on the sidelines hoping that one day you'd fall in love with me?? i met someone and i'm happy - you aren't the end all be all of my life and i'm not going to apologize for that.

besides all the frustration and disappointment i feel at this exact moment i know you'll be the one losing out. our entire friendship i thought you'd all be at my wedding, i thought you'd be the random dude in my bridal party because you've always been my bestfriend. but now i know i'm going to get married and you won't even be there. you are going to miss out on all the important milestones in my life from now on and no matter how much you think i've let you down, you brought this all on yourself. you made the choice to not be my friend anymore.

don't tell me you want to fix our friendship when you've left my heart on my sleeve waiting for a response for 2 weeks.

you pulled the trigger, i'm just the one that said bang.